beetlejuice
November 7th, 2006, 5:52 AM
My God, My Special Friend Marissia, and Me
My Journey of Faith, Hope, Sadness, Tears, and Love
when I was called upon to do His work
For anyone who even has the slightest doubt about God and Christ--well don't doubt....
I first gave my life to Christ in my early 20's. But as it happens with so many, I got busy with stuff and drifted away from Him for over 20 years. I was just too busy to really want to go to church. Plus I kept falling asleep so I used it as an excuse that I was disrespecting God by doing so. But God had a plan to bring me back. And although I was totally broken by what He had to do, (by involving me so intimately in the life of a very special friend I will never meet on this earth, and by letting me see into her future for a time, and then by taking her away so suddenly), He showed me just how great and glorified He is and just how insignificant I am in the whole scheme of things. I'm not saying that He showed me that I have no worth, quite the opposite as a matter of fact. He humbled me and I'm so glad He did what He did. He showed me that He is bigger than I had ever imagined and I know now that He had to break me to get me to pay attention to His purpose.
My walk with God began in earnest somewhere in late April of 2004. I was a Moderator on a security forum. One day a new member appeared by the name of Sassy Girl. It wasn't long through forum posts that we all learned she was pregnant with twins. Not more than a month after hearing this news, she found out she was going to have triplets. All of us on the forum were overjoyed. We all threw in our suggestions for names and such. Everyone was involved. Not long after this, we were both in the forum chat room. We had never really spoken before except through crossing posts. One night she informed me she was wishing for a private chat.
It seems that a woman who had desires for her husband had told her that since her and her husband were of different races, her babies would most likely be born deformed. She was scared to death of this and being only 21, and raised in a very isolated culture, knew no better. She accepted the ladies words for the truth. So she asked me if this was so. I told her that race doesn't matter. That it doesn't work that way, and that her babies would be fine. Fortunately she listened to me and for some reason knew in her heart that she could trust in what I said as being the truth.
It wasn't more than a month later that we learned that she had Stage 3 anaplastic astrocytoma. A malignant brain tumor which would require major surgery to remove. Her surgery was preformed over the 4th of July, 2004.
We had grown reasonably close during that time and I along with everyone else on the forum were scared to death for her and the babies. It was during this surgery, during the exact time that she lost her babies, that God first spoke to me about her. And I don't mean just in my heart. Many times I actually heard His voice or the voice of one of His angels just as plain as if someone were standing in front of me and speaking.
He told me that He was giving me the charge temporarily, of knowing when something was going to be wrong with her medically, before it happened, even when the Dr.s wouldn't be able to detect anything with all of their medical equipment, He would tell me and I would be able to tell them what to look for and where to look. And every time, they found what I was told by God to tell them they would find. God must have also spoken directly to all those Dr.s because from day 1, they listened to every word I said and took the appropriate action. And it would have been so easy for any or all of them to have dismissed me as some crazy person. Just imagine, a person with the medical knowledge of the typical 5 year old guiding these professionals who had been Dr.s for years. He also connected us physically and mentally as well. Along with the verbal warnings, He also allowed me to feel pain whenever something was wrong with her. It was always on the left side of my body. My left arm or leg would start hurting for no reason at all. And the severity of the pain was proportional to the seriousness of what was going on with her.
For whatever the reason, for whatever it was worth, God chose me to help Him do His work here on earth. (And what better way to prove that this was for His glory than to pick someone who had not been brought up in a very religious family, and very seldom went to church because I found it boring.) He also connected us on a spiritual level. We knew each others thoughts, and feelings. In fact, I could actually physically feel some of her pain. Late in her illness, the Dr.s had to insert a feeding tube to help her to gain weight and I could feel it in my body, where they had surgically put it into her.
Many times when God told me things about her, I would be walking on my driveway and I could actually feel Him reach His hand down in front of me for me to run into, to get me to stop walking. Or sometimes I would just stand in a place in my yard that I was lead to one day. This seemed to be a place where God wished for me to be sometimes when He talked to me. I remember that when the weather was cold and I stood in this place, it was like a transparent curtain was drawn around me. I would close my eyes and it wasn't cold anymore. A feeling of warmth would surround me. And when it was hot, the temperature would seem to moderate to neutral, not hot or cold. And I felt as if a light from above was shining down on me. And although I never saw the light, that is what I felt was happening. Then He would tell me things about her. One time, I was in my back yard and was told by God to e-mail her husband that she would soon have a seizure. I ran into the house and found my wife on the computer. By now she knew of the connection that Marissia and I had. I told her "I need the computer now." She saw the serious look on my face and heard the sound of concern in my voice, and she let me have the computer. I sent Marissia's husband an e-mail which said "Be Prepared. If she hasn't had a seizure yet, she'll have one soon."
It wasn't 5 minutes later, that I almost passed out in the back yard. I sent another e-mail asking what had happened and if she was still alive? I didn't know if she was dead, but I knew something bad had happened to her. We found out the next day that at that exact time, she had been getting ready to go to the Dr. for a checkup and had collapsed in the shower, partially paralyzed, due to an expanding aneurysm in her brain that was about ready to burst.
After many surgeries and many months, it finally looked like she was going to beat the cancer that she had. In fact, God had constantly told me (at least I think He did. This is the only thing that I am not sure about. Whether God actually told me this, or if I was just hoping too hard) that she was going to beat it and be OK. And in my clinging to the hope of His words telling me that she would make it, I totally misunderstood what He was about to tell me. It was something, which in my heart I knew was true, but then again I just couldn't believe it.
God told me of her impending death at least twice, at least 3-4 months before it happened. Sometime in October/November 2004, God told me that on January 8th, 2005, an electrical short would catch her house on fire and she might not survive. Then on December 8th, 2004, I had to write a letter to a friend of hers stating that in a month she would be gone. And I knew this to be true because God had told me so, but again in my hope I didn't believe it. On January 3rd, 2005 I was outside my house just drinking a cup of coffee when I saw and felt a gray translucent curtain being drawn down around my head, and immediately I knew that the shadow of death was trying to come between us. I could feel the coldness and darkness of it.
She passed away on January 8th, 2005 (1 month to the day after the letter I wrote). She had gone back into the hospital at this time for another surgery to repair some minor bleeding in the brain. We found out after she passed away that she had suffered a series of seizures and died. In other words, an electrical short in her brain had caused a firestorm of seizures, almost like I had been told..."an electrical short would catch her house on fire and she might not survive." I didn't see or know that she had died like I knew so many other things about her.
God knew way back then what choice she would make. I think that this fact was hidden from me by both of them, her and God. And I really think she left because God gave her the choice of either staying here or going with Him. I know that she missed her babies terribly and wanted to be with them. And she finally got her wish to be with them through God's mercy. And even though her passing tore my heart and soul out, it was the greatest gift outside of salvation that I have ever received. She was healed, just as I had prayed for. No longer in pain, and reunited with her beloved children.
And if all this weren't enough, the things that have occurred since she passed away can only be called miracles. If anyone thinks that our loved ones that have passed on can't communicate with the living through the power of God, well guess again. Whether they actually do this themselves, or whether God does this on their behalf, well I don't know. But I do know that it is purely for our benefit as an inspiration of hope in the midst of our sorrow.
We found out that she had left us on January 10th, 2005, 2 days after she died. On the day we found out what had happened to her, my wife Cindy turned to me and said "Maybe her Momma needs help with those angel babies." Her momma had died a month earlier of a heart attack. (I had never told anyone about what my wife said to me until after the following situation occurred.)
On January 12th, we were helping our kids do their homework. My sons homework consisted of a 1 page story he had to read. There were only words on the page with numbers at the end of each line of words, corresponding to the number of words in that line. He was supposed to see how many words he could read in a minute. I didn't see a title or the authors name at the top of the page which I thought was rather strange, since that's where it usually is placed. I was just reading some of the words and before I had finished, for some reason, my eyes were drawn to the lower right hand corner of the page. In the lower right hand corner of the page, in very small letters it said the following:
Look again
Look again? That was a double-take moment. It was like it was saying to me "Don't quit reading yet! You need to see what's next!" And I think I was just about to put the paper down. I was tired and wanting so bad to go to sleep to forget my grief for just a little while. But I thought to myself...What a strange thing to read. So I did look again and saw this...
"My Momma Needs Me"
This was the title of the story.
Just like my wife had said! "Maybe her Momma needs help with those angel babies."
Tears started pouring from my eyes. "Oh my God" I thought. She was talking to us!!
The story was mainly about a boy and his baby sister. It talked about feeding ducks-a lot, which incidentally was one of the things her and I talked about in our very last conversation.
My daughters homework was a story she had to read of a man who wanted to become a Dr. but didn't have the money to go to medical school, so he joined the military to get his medical training. Her husband is a Dr. who got his medical training in the military exactly as in the story. Neither my wife nor I knew these facts about him until after we told a friend of his about the kids homework, (which we photocopied as proof) and she verified that this is exactly how he got his medical training. And he did this at least 20 years before we knew he even existed.
And there have been other things too. For several days after she died, every time my wife would address an e-mail using the word "To:", only Marissia's name or her husbands name would drop down in the auto fill menu. My wife and I had quite an extensive list of names and they all vanished except for hers and his. The first time she told me about it, she called me at work. I don't remember if I believed it or not. But I saw it for myself when I got home. It was happening just as she said. I particularly remember one day when it happened again and my wife yelled to me "Steven, she's doing it to me again!" I couldn't help but smile at that. I just knew that as impish as Marissia was, she was having fun freaking out my wife and was probably laughing! And she was probably saying "I am being joking to you Cindy!". Being from Greece, she had a very unique way of speaking. Marissia and my wife Cindy had been the best girlfriends. After 3-4 days, the address menu returned to normal with every name showing up.
But the most miraculous of all occurred on January 19, 2005. I woke up around 3:00AM for absolutely no reason at all. I went outside to drink some coffee and smoke. It was very dark without a cloud in the sky. Except to the east where I saw a formation of clouds drifting by, the only clouds in a sky full of stars. You won't believe it, but they were all in a straight line, (as if they had been written on paper), and in the shape of letters, both small and large case, and spelled "MAriSsiA". Sassy Girl's name is Marissia. No I am not joking. I wish I would have gotten a picture of this miracle but I was completely awestruck by it. I just stood there with tears streaming down my face unable to move. And this wasn't like when you look at the clouds long enough and you'll eventually see elephants and stuff. These were actual letters in the sky. When I saw them, the sight hit me like a ton of bricks. Nothing fuzzy or foggy about them. Just as if they had been written with a ball point pen. Maybe written by the finger of God.
All of these things and more, which my wife and I have personally witnessed, only reinforce my belief in God and Christ everyday.
This experience, and the humbleness I feel by being chosen by God to be His emissary, has totally changed my life. I am now living for Christ and devoted to Him. I know that miracles do happen. I was a part of this one. And I thank Him for that everyday. Even with the sadness that came in the end, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. I feel I owe Him so much for allowing me to have been such a big part of her life and His. I was actually touched by God. How cool is that?
Since Marissia passed on, I have had a lot of time to ponder and think about what happened and think about the whys and wherefores. The whole thing was both a curse and a blessing all in one. A blessing because I had the opportunity to help Marissia many times and to be such a good friend to her. A curse because I knew what was happening, and was going to happen to her and not much of it was good. Some people I have told have said they wish they could have something like this happen to them. And because nothing like it has, for some reason they think they're not worthy of God or something. Well nothing could be further from the truth. If anyone wasn't worthy of this it was me. Who was I that God would even want to tell me these things about Marissia? How was I worthy? I was a person that believed in Christ before anything happened, but it wasn't a strong belief. Heck I didn't even like going to church because it was a bore and I had better things to do. And as far as anyone wanting to go through what I did at Gods command, well I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. The stress and the torturous thoughts and guilty feelings of it all, are totally beyond words.
Just imagine if you can, what it was like to know in advance when something serious and life threatening was going to be found, and that every time God told you something it would mean another surgery for her and more pain and more agony? And every time not knowing if she would survive another surgery. And then thinking sometimes how much you would like to spare her any more pain, by thinking about keeping your mouth shut and not telling anyone what you knew, and if you did that, knowing she would die! I remember seeing Jurassic Park where the guy says "I hate being right all the time". I hated it too, because every time I was right, it meant more pain for her. It was truly a Catch 22. But I had to do it because God told me to and I wasn't going to go against His will.
As for why it all happened, well I can only guess. I really think that both of our souls, hers and mine were in danger of being lost. She was mad at Him for a long time for taking her babies. I asked her once if she would like me to ask God why He had to take them? She said yes because she was too mad at Him to ask. So I did ask. And then, for some reason, I waited a full day before I told her and to this day I really don't know why I waited. I just had a feeling I needed to wait. I think God wasn't done proving that He was guiding all of this, and maybe someone somewhere needed still more proof.
And then when I told her the answer that God had given me, it eased her mind and put her at complete peace and she was no longer mad at Him anymore. In fact, somehow, someway she knew I had the answer she was looking for even before I told her. A full day before I told her, she told her husband that I had her answer. He's the one that told me about what she said. He said that ever since she had lost the babies, she had been as tense and nervous as a stalking cat. And suddenly, when she told him that I had her answer, she totally relaxed and melted in his arms, with a look of complete peace on her face.
So where do I fit into this? I think I needed a good kick in the butt to get my act together to come and walk by His side as I hadn't done in so long.
Another reason I think is so I can have the opportunity to minister to anyone that I can about what happened to me, and hopefully, it will prove to all who hear that He is here, and He is alive, and that He cares, and that He wants all of us to accept the gift of salvation that He so freely gives. Wouldn't it be great if everyone accepted His gift? I hope I am doing His will as He wants me to. Helping others in other ways I feel is also part of His plans for me. My wife and I have already helped 3 people move here from California in order to start better lives for themselves after being on the verge of homelessness.
Before this all happened, I was one of those people that was so concerned about money that it was almost all I thought about. I never thought we had enough. I never gave anything to the church because I thought it would put us in debt even further than we already were. And forget about giving anyone any money more than a few cents to help them out. But since this happened, I am a completely changed person. I no longer worry about money. In fact it's the last thing I think about. I don't have to think and worry about it. God is providing more than I ever could have imagined, in everything.
I quit smoking on August 11th, 2005 because God said He would be pleased if I did. I did it cold turkey no less. I just asked Him for help to take the cravings away because I knew that I couldn't do it on my own. And the very next day I was standing in the middle of 10 guys at work, all of them smoking and it didn't bother me at all. Not 1 craving for a cigarette. And I had tried to quit 2 times before and didn't get past 3 days! And believe me when I say that if I can quit, then anybody can. I was a 3 pack a day smoker, and I had smoked for 31 years.
Oh well, where this will go from here I don't know. I just hope and pray that perhaps at least 1 life other than my own, will be touched in a positive way. Just don't give me any credit for doing anything because I do not deserve it. All the credit goes to God. All of this of course gives Him the glory.
Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit forever and ever, and the glory and the power is theirs and theirs alone. In the name of Jesus I pray for all who read this testimony, that they will come to know you my Lord and accept you as their Savior. In the name of Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lords I pray, Amen.
God bless you and your babies Marissia. May the love and light of our Lord Jesus Christ surround you and your children forever. Remember Marissia. I will love you forever and I will be your Special Friend forever and always. And I'm still waiting to give you that hug I promised you. http://file.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/bighug.gif
Your Big Special Friend forever and always
Steve
© 2005 by Steven E. Lewis
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I wrote this poem about my Special Friend Marissia (Sassy Girl)
"Sassy's Legacy"
by Steven E. Lewis
How will they remember me
As the friend I thought I was
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
Will they forget who I was
And what they meant to me
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
Was what I did truly worth the time
The valley's I fell into
The mountains I had to climb
Do they remember all I said
Or have they forgotten
Was I just someone passing by
Did I leave something good behind
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
These things I can only wish
For the friends I left behind
That they love one another
By keeping my memory alive
As I look down upon them
I wonder if they learned
The things I tried to show them
That You're peace and You're love
Are the only way
And I also wonder in my mind
Do they really care
Or have they already forgotten
That I was really there
Please help them each to understand
What I tried to teach
How far into each of their souls
I really tried to reach
I hope they can remember
To understand and care
Or have they already forgotten
That I was really there
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/Marissia_Angel2ani.gif (http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/04_Dancing_With_the_Angels.wma)http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/marissiatag11nv.gif (http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/thats_the_way_it_goes.mp3)http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/Sassy_Girl_2.gif (http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/Faith_of_the_Heart.mp3)
------------^click any pic for music^------------
To those who believe, good for you. For those who are still wondering, the following
song expresses it so well.
Nichole Nordeman What If?
What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?
What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?
But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find?
What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?
But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you're wrong?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
What if it's love?
-------------
What If lyrics © 2005 by Nichole Nordeman and Sparrow Records
My Journey of Faith, Hope, Sadness, Tears, and Love
when I was called upon to do His work
For anyone who even has the slightest doubt about God and Christ--well don't doubt....
I first gave my life to Christ in my early 20's. But as it happens with so many, I got busy with stuff and drifted away from Him for over 20 years. I was just too busy to really want to go to church. Plus I kept falling asleep so I used it as an excuse that I was disrespecting God by doing so. But God had a plan to bring me back. And although I was totally broken by what He had to do, (by involving me so intimately in the life of a very special friend I will never meet on this earth, and by letting me see into her future for a time, and then by taking her away so suddenly), He showed me just how great and glorified He is and just how insignificant I am in the whole scheme of things. I'm not saying that He showed me that I have no worth, quite the opposite as a matter of fact. He humbled me and I'm so glad He did what He did. He showed me that He is bigger than I had ever imagined and I know now that He had to break me to get me to pay attention to His purpose.
My walk with God began in earnest somewhere in late April of 2004. I was a Moderator on a security forum. One day a new member appeared by the name of Sassy Girl. It wasn't long through forum posts that we all learned she was pregnant with twins. Not more than a month after hearing this news, she found out she was going to have triplets. All of us on the forum were overjoyed. We all threw in our suggestions for names and such. Everyone was involved. Not long after this, we were both in the forum chat room. We had never really spoken before except through crossing posts. One night she informed me she was wishing for a private chat.
It seems that a woman who had desires for her husband had told her that since her and her husband were of different races, her babies would most likely be born deformed. She was scared to death of this and being only 21, and raised in a very isolated culture, knew no better. She accepted the ladies words for the truth. So she asked me if this was so. I told her that race doesn't matter. That it doesn't work that way, and that her babies would be fine. Fortunately she listened to me and for some reason knew in her heart that she could trust in what I said as being the truth.
It wasn't more than a month later that we learned that she had Stage 3 anaplastic astrocytoma. A malignant brain tumor which would require major surgery to remove. Her surgery was preformed over the 4th of July, 2004.
We had grown reasonably close during that time and I along with everyone else on the forum were scared to death for her and the babies. It was during this surgery, during the exact time that she lost her babies, that God first spoke to me about her. And I don't mean just in my heart. Many times I actually heard His voice or the voice of one of His angels just as plain as if someone were standing in front of me and speaking.
He told me that He was giving me the charge temporarily, of knowing when something was going to be wrong with her medically, before it happened, even when the Dr.s wouldn't be able to detect anything with all of their medical equipment, He would tell me and I would be able to tell them what to look for and where to look. And every time, they found what I was told by God to tell them they would find. God must have also spoken directly to all those Dr.s because from day 1, they listened to every word I said and took the appropriate action. And it would have been so easy for any or all of them to have dismissed me as some crazy person. Just imagine, a person with the medical knowledge of the typical 5 year old guiding these professionals who had been Dr.s for years. He also connected us physically and mentally as well. Along with the verbal warnings, He also allowed me to feel pain whenever something was wrong with her. It was always on the left side of my body. My left arm or leg would start hurting for no reason at all. And the severity of the pain was proportional to the seriousness of what was going on with her.
For whatever the reason, for whatever it was worth, God chose me to help Him do His work here on earth. (And what better way to prove that this was for His glory than to pick someone who had not been brought up in a very religious family, and very seldom went to church because I found it boring.) He also connected us on a spiritual level. We knew each others thoughts, and feelings. In fact, I could actually physically feel some of her pain. Late in her illness, the Dr.s had to insert a feeding tube to help her to gain weight and I could feel it in my body, where they had surgically put it into her.
Many times when God told me things about her, I would be walking on my driveway and I could actually feel Him reach His hand down in front of me for me to run into, to get me to stop walking. Or sometimes I would just stand in a place in my yard that I was lead to one day. This seemed to be a place where God wished for me to be sometimes when He talked to me. I remember that when the weather was cold and I stood in this place, it was like a transparent curtain was drawn around me. I would close my eyes and it wasn't cold anymore. A feeling of warmth would surround me. And when it was hot, the temperature would seem to moderate to neutral, not hot or cold. And I felt as if a light from above was shining down on me. And although I never saw the light, that is what I felt was happening. Then He would tell me things about her. One time, I was in my back yard and was told by God to e-mail her husband that she would soon have a seizure. I ran into the house and found my wife on the computer. By now she knew of the connection that Marissia and I had. I told her "I need the computer now." She saw the serious look on my face and heard the sound of concern in my voice, and she let me have the computer. I sent Marissia's husband an e-mail which said "Be Prepared. If she hasn't had a seizure yet, she'll have one soon."
It wasn't 5 minutes later, that I almost passed out in the back yard. I sent another e-mail asking what had happened and if she was still alive? I didn't know if she was dead, but I knew something bad had happened to her. We found out the next day that at that exact time, she had been getting ready to go to the Dr. for a checkup and had collapsed in the shower, partially paralyzed, due to an expanding aneurysm in her brain that was about ready to burst.
After many surgeries and many months, it finally looked like she was going to beat the cancer that she had. In fact, God had constantly told me (at least I think He did. This is the only thing that I am not sure about. Whether God actually told me this, or if I was just hoping too hard) that she was going to beat it and be OK. And in my clinging to the hope of His words telling me that she would make it, I totally misunderstood what He was about to tell me. It was something, which in my heart I knew was true, but then again I just couldn't believe it.
God told me of her impending death at least twice, at least 3-4 months before it happened. Sometime in October/November 2004, God told me that on January 8th, 2005, an electrical short would catch her house on fire and she might not survive. Then on December 8th, 2004, I had to write a letter to a friend of hers stating that in a month she would be gone. And I knew this to be true because God had told me so, but again in my hope I didn't believe it. On January 3rd, 2005 I was outside my house just drinking a cup of coffee when I saw and felt a gray translucent curtain being drawn down around my head, and immediately I knew that the shadow of death was trying to come between us. I could feel the coldness and darkness of it.
She passed away on January 8th, 2005 (1 month to the day after the letter I wrote). She had gone back into the hospital at this time for another surgery to repair some minor bleeding in the brain. We found out after she passed away that she had suffered a series of seizures and died. In other words, an electrical short in her brain had caused a firestorm of seizures, almost like I had been told..."an electrical short would catch her house on fire and she might not survive." I didn't see or know that she had died like I knew so many other things about her.
God knew way back then what choice she would make. I think that this fact was hidden from me by both of them, her and God. And I really think she left because God gave her the choice of either staying here or going with Him. I know that she missed her babies terribly and wanted to be with them. And she finally got her wish to be with them through God's mercy. And even though her passing tore my heart and soul out, it was the greatest gift outside of salvation that I have ever received. She was healed, just as I had prayed for. No longer in pain, and reunited with her beloved children.
And if all this weren't enough, the things that have occurred since she passed away can only be called miracles. If anyone thinks that our loved ones that have passed on can't communicate with the living through the power of God, well guess again. Whether they actually do this themselves, or whether God does this on their behalf, well I don't know. But I do know that it is purely for our benefit as an inspiration of hope in the midst of our sorrow.
We found out that she had left us on January 10th, 2005, 2 days after she died. On the day we found out what had happened to her, my wife Cindy turned to me and said "Maybe her Momma needs help with those angel babies." Her momma had died a month earlier of a heart attack. (I had never told anyone about what my wife said to me until after the following situation occurred.)
On January 12th, we were helping our kids do their homework. My sons homework consisted of a 1 page story he had to read. There were only words on the page with numbers at the end of each line of words, corresponding to the number of words in that line. He was supposed to see how many words he could read in a minute. I didn't see a title or the authors name at the top of the page which I thought was rather strange, since that's where it usually is placed. I was just reading some of the words and before I had finished, for some reason, my eyes were drawn to the lower right hand corner of the page. In the lower right hand corner of the page, in very small letters it said the following:
Look again
Look again? That was a double-take moment. It was like it was saying to me "Don't quit reading yet! You need to see what's next!" And I think I was just about to put the paper down. I was tired and wanting so bad to go to sleep to forget my grief for just a little while. But I thought to myself...What a strange thing to read. So I did look again and saw this...
"My Momma Needs Me"
This was the title of the story.
Just like my wife had said! "Maybe her Momma needs help with those angel babies."
Tears started pouring from my eyes. "Oh my God" I thought. She was talking to us!!
The story was mainly about a boy and his baby sister. It talked about feeding ducks-a lot, which incidentally was one of the things her and I talked about in our very last conversation.
My daughters homework was a story she had to read of a man who wanted to become a Dr. but didn't have the money to go to medical school, so he joined the military to get his medical training. Her husband is a Dr. who got his medical training in the military exactly as in the story. Neither my wife nor I knew these facts about him until after we told a friend of his about the kids homework, (which we photocopied as proof) and she verified that this is exactly how he got his medical training. And he did this at least 20 years before we knew he even existed.
And there have been other things too. For several days after she died, every time my wife would address an e-mail using the word "To:", only Marissia's name or her husbands name would drop down in the auto fill menu. My wife and I had quite an extensive list of names and they all vanished except for hers and his. The first time she told me about it, she called me at work. I don't remember if I believed it or not. But I saw it for myself when I got home. It was happening just as she said. I particularly remember one day when it happened again and my wife yelled to me "Steven, she's doing it to me again!" I couldn't help but smile at that. I just knew that as impish as Marissia was, she was having fun freaking out my wife and was probably laughing! And she was probably saying "I am being joking to you Cindy!". Being from Greece, she had a very unique way of speaking. Marissia and my wife Cindy had been the best girlfriends. After 3-4 days, the address menu returned to normal with every name showing up.
But the most miraculous of all occurred on January 19, 2005. I woke up around 3:00AM for absolutely no reason at all. I went outside to drink some coffee and smoke. It was very dark without a cloud in the sky. Except to the east where I saw a formation of clouds drifting by, the only clouds in a sky full of stars. You won't believe it, but they were all in a straight line, (as if they had been written on paper), and in the shape of letters, both small and large case, and spelled "MAriSsiA". Sassy Girl's name is Marissia. No I am not joking. I wish I would have gotten a picture of this miracle but I was completely awestruck by it. I just stood there with tears streaming down my face unable to move. And this wasn't like when you look at the clouds long enough and you'll eventually see elephants and stuff. These were actual letters in the sky. When I saw them, the sight hit me like a ton of bricks. Nothing fuzzy or foggy about them. Just as if they had been written with a ball point pen. Maybe written by the finger of God.
All of these things and more, which my wife and I have personally witnessed, only reinforce my belief in God and Christ everyday.
This experience, and the humbleness I feel by being chosen by God to be His emissary, has totally changed my life. I am now living for Christ and devoted to Him. I know that miracles do happen. I was a part of this one. And I thank Him for that everyday. Even with the sadness that came in the end, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. I feel I owe Him so much for allowing me to have been such a big part of her life and His. I was actually touched by God. How cool is that?
Since Marissia passed on, I have had a lot of time to ponder and think about what happened and think about the whys and wherefores. The whole thing was both a curse and a blessing all in one. A blessing because I had the opportunity to help Marissia many times and to be such a good friend to her. A curse because I knew what was happening, and was going to happen to her and not much of it was good. Some people I have told have said they wish they could have something like this happen to them. And because nothing like it has, for some reason they think they're not worthy of God or something. Well nothing could be further from the truth. If anyone wasn't worthy of this it was me. Who was I that God would even want to tell me these things about Marissia? How was I worthy? I was a person that believed in Christ before anything happened, but it wasn't a strong belief. Heck I didn't even like going to church because it was a bore and I had better things to do. And as far as anyone wanting to go through what I did at Gods command, well I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. The stress and the torturous thoughts and guilty feelings of it all, are totally beyond words.
Just imagine if you can, what it was like to know in advance when something serious and life threatening was going to be found, and that every time God told you something it would mean another surgery for her and more pain and more agony? And every time not knowing if she would survive another surgery. And then thinking sometimes how much you would like to spare her any more pain, by thinking about keeping your mouth shut and not telling anyone what you knew, and if you did that, knowing she would die! I remember seeing Jurassic Park where the guy says "I hate being right all the time". I hated it too, because every time I was right, it meant more pain for her. It was truly a Catch 22. But I had to do it because God told me to and I wasn't going to go against His will.
As for why it all happened, well I can only guess. I really think that both of our souls, hers and mine were in danger of being lost. She was mad at Him for a long time for taking her babies. I asked her once if she would like me to ask God why He had to take them? She said yes because she was too mad at Him to ask. So I did ask. And then, for some reason, I waited a full day before I told her and to this day I really don't know why I waited. I just had a feeling I needed to wait. I think God wasn't done proving that He was guiding all of this, and maybe someone somewhere needed still more proof.
And then when I told her the answer that God had given me, it eased her mind and put her at complete peace and she was no longer mad at Him anymore. In fact, somehow, someway she knew I had the answer she was looking for even before I told her. A full day before I told her, she told her husband that I had her answer. He's the one that told me about what she said. He said that ever since she had lost the babies, she had been as tense and nervous as a stalking cat. And suddenly, when she told him that I had her answer, she totally relaxed and melted in his arms, with a look of complete peace on her face.
So where do I fit into this? I think I needed a good kick in the butt to get my act together to come and walk by His side as I hadn't done in so long.
Another reason I think is so I can have the opportunity to minister to anyone that I can about what happened to me, and hopefully, it will prove to all who hear that He is here, and He is alive, and that He cares, and that He wants all of us to accept the gift of salvation that He so freely gives. Wouldn't it be great if everyone accepted His gift? I hope I am doing His will as He wants me to. Helping others in other ways I feel is also part of His plans for me. My wife and I have already helped 3 people move here from California in order to start better lives for themselves after being on the verge of homelessness.
Before this all happened, I was one of those people that was so concerned about money that it was almost all I thought about. I never thought we had enough. I never gave anything to the church because I thought it would put us in debt even further than we already were. And forget about giving anyone any money more than a few cents to help them out. But since this happened, I am a completely changed person. I no longer worry about money. In fact it's the last thing I think about. I don't have to think and worry about it. God is providing more than I ever could have imagined, in everything.
I quit smoking on August 11th, 2005 because God said He would be pleased if I did. I did it cold turkey no less. I just asked Him for help to take the cravings away because I knew that I couldn't do it on my own. And the very next day I was standing in the middle of 10 guys at work, all of them smoking and it didn't bother me at all. Not 1 craving for a cigarette. And I had tried to quit 2 times before and didn't get past 3 days! And believe me when I say that if I can quit, then anybody can. I was a 3 pack a day smoker, and I had smoked for 31 years.
Oh well, where this will go from here I don't know. I just hope and pray that perhaps at least 1 life other than my own, will be touched in a positive way. Just don't give me any credit for doing anything because I do not deserve it. All the credit goes to God. All of this of course gives Him the glory.
Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit forever and ever, and the glory and the power is theirs and theirs alone. In the name of Jesus I pray for all who read this testimony, that they will come to know you my Lord and accept you as their Savior. In the name of Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Lord of Lords I pray, Amen.
God bless you and your babies Marissia. May the love and light of our Lord Jesus Christ surround you and your children forever. Remember Marissia. I will love you forever and I will be your Special Friend forever and always. And I'm still waiting to give you that hug I promised you. http://file.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/bighug.gif
Your Big Special Friend forever and always
Steve
© 2005 by Steven E. Lewis
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I wrote this poem about my Special Friend Marissia (Sassy Girl)
"Sassy's Legacy"
by Steven E. Lewis
How will they remember me
As the friend I thought I was
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
Will they forget who I was
And what they meant to me
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
Was what I did truly worth the time
The valley's I fell into
The mountains I had to climb
Do they remember all I said
Or have they forgotten
Was I just someone passing by
Did I leave something good behind
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
These things I can only wish
For the friends I left behind
That they love one another
By keeping my memory alive
As I look down upon them
I wonder if they learned
The things I tried to show them
That You're peace and You're love
Are the only way
And I also wonder in my mind
Do they really care
Or have they already forgotten
That I was really there
Please help them each to understand
What I tried to teach
How far into each of their souls
I really tried to reach
I hope they can remember
To understand and care
Or have they already forgotten
That I was really there
What will be my legacy
Will it be a legacy of love
http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/Marissia_Angel2ani.gif (http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/04_Dancing_With_the_Angels.wma)http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/marissiatag11nv.gif (http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/thats_the_way_it_goes.mp3)http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/Sassy_Girl_2.gif (http://venus.walagata.com/w/beetlejuice/Faith_of_the_Heart.mp3)
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To those who believe, good for you. For those who are still wondering, the following
song expresses it so well.
Nichole Nordeman What If?
What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?
What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?
But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find?
What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?
But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you're wrong?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?
What if it's love?
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What If lyrics © 2005 by Nichole Nordeman and Sparrow Records