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pphalan
April 9th, 2006, 2:45 PM
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one
afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.

The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked,

"Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded

"yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a

cup of coffee, on him.



The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a

hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat

down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He

also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that

Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian

asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."



The third patron to come into the restaurant was a

Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth,

sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about

gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked

across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy

over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the

Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of

beer. "On my bill," he said.



As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican,

touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."

The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs,

got up, and danced a jig out the door.



Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and

said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian

felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands,

praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.



Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat

jumped up and yelled:

"Don't touch me! I'm collecting disability."

Daral
April 9th, 2006, 10:02 PM
As a liberal, I'm obligated to be insulted. :razz

pphalan
April 10th, 2006, 3:45 AM
Politcal Party Test

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican? Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrats Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier and healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter #1: "Nice grouping, Daddy!

Daughter #2: Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?

Son: Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist ARE YOU?!

davidw
April 10th, 2006, 8:37 AM
Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter #1: "Nice grouping, Daddy!

Daughter #2: Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?

Son: Git-r-Dun Pop! Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist ARE YOU?!It appears you've been to Arkansas :P